What Women Want: The Hair They Don’t Have

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We women are never satisfied.

My hair is a long, shiny, sleek black. The kind that always looks lush and freshly shampooed. Strangers have stopped me in the street asking how I get my hair to look the way it does. As you know from The Secret Art of Sex Goddess Hair, I don’t just roll out of bed with perfect hair. It takes effort. And hairspray.

Unfortunately, hairspray is no match against Mother Nature. I was recently caught in a thunderstorm with two of my dearest friends, Anjali and Linh.  We were in New Jersey (don’t ask why…), running through the torrential rain, our umbrellas being turned inside-out by the wind. We arrived at the fancy Chart House restaurant looking like drowned rats.

Thirty minutes later, my hair dried flat and limp. Anjali’s and Linh’s hair dried into their beautiful, ravishing, amazing, incredible, insert-other-beautiful-adjectives-because-I-am-so-annoyed-and-hate-them-so-much-because-I-am-so-envious natural curls.

“Why does your hair look so perfect?” Anjali growled.

“Me? Look who’s talking!” I retorted.

If it isn’t yet obvious, I’ve always wanted big, beautiful curls. My friends have joked that I have a thing for men with wavy hair; a quest to improve my genes and produce wavy-haired kids, they say. Watch these future kids stare longingly at my straight locks and wonder what possessed their crazy mother to have such a thought.